A few weeks ago, I posted on my Facebook asking people what they would like me to blog about. I use my blog to talk about the good, the bad, and everything in between. Nothing is off limits. I had a high school friend reach out to me, and she shared an experience that she had gone through as a child and even recently. This experience, is horrible, but she believes it needs to be addressed, and I couldn’t agree more. If your not comfortable reading about inappropriate experiences, then please stop here. This is going to be straight forward, with no sugar coating. There is no way to sugarcoat this situation. She decided she wanted her story to finally be told, and I am a woman of my word, so I’m helping her make that happen.
First off all, let me tell you about her. Her name is Brittian Weaver. My memories of her are from high school. She was sweet, kind, non judgemental, and just an overall nice person. She never caused drama, she seemed shy until you got to know her. This goes to show you, do not judge a book by its cover. You have no idea what others’ have struggled with in their lives’. It’s when you take the time to learn their story, and become a support to them that the truth will come out. Taking the time to talk to someone, can allow a trust to form, which can lead to helping them heal from hurt.
Brittian currently resides in Florida, with her boyfriend. She states “he has been my biggest support system, through everything that has happened”. This was very reassuring hearing that she has someone who has been her rock. To help her cope, has never given up on her, flaws, history, and all. I don’t know you sir, but kudos to you, you are a great man.
I would like to now share her story, this piece was written by Brittian herself, word for word:
September 8th, 2016 was like any other day. I crawled out of bed, still in my Cracker Barrel uniform from the night before, and managed my way to the coffee machine. As the coffee was brewing, I turned the t.v. to my guilty pleasure, Pretty Little Liars, and borrowed my father’s laptop from his bedroom. I grabbed my pumpkin spiced coffee, walked over to the couch, and opened his laptop. As the laptop was opening, all I heard was the Pretty Little Liars screaming, “RUN!” I looked up and stared blankly at the t.v. screen. At that moment, I wish I could of ran.
My whole body went numb. What did I just see on my father’s desktop? Who is this naked girl on the screen? She looks a lot like me. Wait, wait, wait…that is me. I was staring at a naked picture of myself on my father’s desktop. I have never felt more betrayed, confused, and heartbroken in my 25 years of life. “What the hell. What the hell. What the hell?” are the last words I remember saying before the rage took over my body.
I woke up hysterically screaming and crying laying on my father’s closet floor. As I laid on the floor, covered in my dad’s belongings, I took three deep breathes and reminded myself, “I am strong.” I said those words at least a hundred times before I had the courage to sit up and look around. What did I just do? What is around me? Why are there hundreds of pornos around me? I picked myself up, walked over to the disgusting porn collection, and started screaming, “WHY!!!!!”?
I cannot explain the anger I felt towards my father. I walked back over to my father’s laptop. My trembling fingers opened the laptop and I clicked on the naked picture. Every body part was showing. Every body part, my vagina, boobs, butt, and face. My head was turned to the right side, completely oblivious of my surroundings. My brown medium length hair was drenching wet. I was holding a brown towel in my right hand, and my favorite yellow St. Louis Blues shirt in the other. How did I not notice this? How long has this been happening? When did he do this? Why did he do this? I slapped myself repeatedly in the face. This has to be a nightmare. Brittian please wake up! Sadly, the nightmare had just begun.
I wanted to make sure that was the only picture of me on his laptop. My curious mind began going through all of his files. As I was going through the video files on my father’s laptop, I noticed the same picture from his desktop. Why is this happening? Why? Just why? I clicked on the video file from February 23, 2015. I busted out in tears and kept repeating to myself, “I am strong. I am strong. I am strong.” My shaking hand started the video. The camera is upside down, in my brown bookcase, hiding in-between books.
I walked into my room, completely unaware, locked and closed my door. I began drying my hair with the brown towel and studying myself in the mirror like any girl. I put the brown towel down and open my drawer to get my favorite yellow St. Louis Blues t-shirt and sporty pink shorts. Then the video ended. That bastard. My own father cropped the “perfect” picture of me from a video he recorded and put it on his desktop? Why, just why? How many more videos does he have? Does he videotape me constantly? Has he done anything while I am sleeping? At that moment, all I knew is I needed to get the hell out of that house. I was afraid for my life and no longer safe.
It’s been a little over a year since I found the video and picture. This has been the hardest year of my life, but also the biggest blessing. After I found everything, I had a sense of relief. Growing up I would have memories of my dad molesting me. Anyone I ever reached out to never believed me. When I found the videos I finally knew I wasn’t crazy. I knew what I was remembering was the truth, and I needed to get far away from him. Before I move on, I want to give you a little background on my childhood.
My mother had me when she was 18 years old with a man named Chad McDonald. Chad McDonald is my real father. I know nothing about him besides the fact he signed his rights away when I was a child. He did that so the man I used to called my “father”, Tim, could adopt me. Tim is the pig that violated and molested me.
In all honesty my situation could have been worse, at least it wasn’t my blood. It however didn’t make the situation any less painful. The pain I feel will never go away, but I am learning how to make this heartache positive. I have learned that writing is the best medicine. Writing has saved my life. Writing at first was the only way I could talk about my situation. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I could barely look at myself in the mirror. I still struggle. But I eventually realized that I have no reason to be ashamed. I have no reason to hide. I needed to stand up for myself and realize my self-worth. This hasn’t been easy. I’ve had more dark days than good, but I am never going to give up. I am never going to stop trying. I will not let Tim have the power to ruin my life.
Sadly, after my mom found out she chose to stay with him. That was more heartbreaking than the videos. How could my mother choose my molester over me, her daughter? Still a year later, I have no idea. I will never know and that’s okay. She’s taught me how I don’t want to be, weak and a coward. I still have a relationship with her, but it’s hard and will never be the same. Every day I struggle with if I am doing the right thing, but is there really a win in this situation?
All I can say is I won’t let her ruin my happiness. Happiness and love is the key to getting through this. My boyfriend has been my rock through it all. He’s taught me what unconditional love truly is. My immediate family might not love me, but I have made my own family. Family is what you make it. I have a few loved ones, and that makes my heart full. I however didn’t always feel that way. After the situation, I didn’t believe in love anymore. The two people that were supposed to love me, nurture me, and protect me, were the ones that destroyed me.
My boyfriend taught me what love is. He’s never given up on me. No matter how hard I pushed him away, he fought for me. If you feel like you have no one, I promise you to do. You’re blinded by your emotions. I promise the storm will pass and you will find happiness again. The best advice I can give is to never give up and always stand up for yourself. Don’t be silenced, be heard. Don’t let your abuser win. Prove them wrong and show them how powerful you can be. My name is Brittian Weaver and Tim Weaver is my molester.
This was very hard to read, but unfortunately it’s the truth. Brittian opened up to me, and I did this to get her story out there, no more secrets, no more hiding from the reality of the situation. She wants to spread the message, that you should never let something like this go.
After Brittian, sent me this letter, there were more questions I wanted to ask her, in further detail:
Q&A with Brittian Weaver:
1.) After finding these videos, and pictures, with proof that this happened, have you contacted the police, and if not, what is your reasoning?
I went to the police station about a week after it happened. At first I was in denial. I couldn’t believe what happened to me. I was confused, furious, and heartbroken. I had realized that all those “memories” of my dad molesting me were true. I had a hard time handling the pain. However, when I finally went to the police there was not much they could do for me. I had no evidence that it was actually him filming me. He already deleted the files off his computer and that was the only evidence I had. Sadly, the police were not much help. They didn’t take me seriously and didn’t want to take the time to deal with my situation. It was devastating. When I left the station I felt very alone and scared. If the police couldn’t help me then who could? That’s one of the many reasons I am taking a stand and not being silenced. Everyone around him needs to know the truth because all of them are in danger. It sickens me that men like him walk in the street and go on with their daily lives. It also sickens me that law enforcement didn’t take the time to make sure I was ok and safe. I don’t think people realize the amount of courage it takes to expose yourself like that. BUT ALWAYS REPORT WHAT HAPPENS. NO MATTER THE OUTCOME. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do and it may take you a few tries until you have the courage, but don’t let them walk away. ALWAYS TRY.
2) How does it make you feel that after showing your mother the evidence that this had been happening ,when you were younger, and even recently, that she would stay with this man?
My mom not walking away from Tim was the biggest heartbreak i’ve ever experienced. I can’t even explain the pain I felt when I realized she wasn’t walking away from him. I still question everyday why and sadly I will never know the truth. When I ask she just tells me she doesn’t want her family broken. I call bullshit. Does she not realize that she is breaking her own child? What mother stays with her child’s molester? I’ve cried out for help many times, all I wanted was my mother’s love, but all I got was forced situations with my father and desperate attempts to keep us together. She lives in denial and refuses to talk about the situation with anyone. My brother doesn’t even know. No one in our family knows. I am terrified for my life. What would happen if I told my family? What would Tim do to me? Why would my own mother want me to live this way?
3) What are ways you’ve learned to cope? Meditation, therapy, counseling, etc? You said the support of your boyfriend has gotten you through a lot, but what other measures have you taken?
Honestly, the best way I have learned to cope is through my writing. Like I said before, I was very embarrassed when I first found out and writing was the only way I could express my emotions. Also, I let myself feel how I want to feel. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel. Take all the time you need, it is ok not to be ok. Please just let loved ones know what’s going on in your head. And if you feel like you have no one, I will talk to you. Or find someone you can trust. You are never alone. That is another thing to remember, you are never alone.
4.) When something tragic occurs in our lives’, I feel that many people suppress out the bad memories after a certain time. Maybe you become numb, maybe your body just rids that horrible experience because it’s too painful to think about. Where do you fall in this category ? Did your mentality towards the situation get easier to cope with after a certain amount of time?
The heartbreak that I have experienced will never go away. I am learning how to turn my heartbreak into a positive. I am currently writing a book about my life to help people be more aware of what happens behind the seens of a “picture perfect family.” I am changing my career to be a counselor for sexually abused children. And I am taking a stand against all the men/women that think they have the power to abuse others. I am going to be the abused voice. I might not change the world, but I am going to do what’s right.
5.) What are some tips you can give others’ who may be going through the same thing, but are too scared of reporting this? I know there is a hotline you can call, but what action do you recommend the most? *In my opinion, I think this should be reported immediately, because you never know what other children/women, he could be doing this to.*
Ideally, yes you want to report what happened to you right away. You don’t want to wait to take action. Especially, if the abuse just happened. In my sitation I had no physical evidence, but you should ALWAYS stand up to your abuser. Don’t let them have the power. I understand how hard it is and the amount of pain you go through telling your story, but it will be rewarding and it will help the pain subside.
6.) What have you learned after this event happened, now that your older and independent ?
The biggest lesson I have learned through all of this, is you’re the only one that has your back 100%. Listen to your instints and what your body is telling you. Don’t let others bring you down or question what you believe to be true. Follow your heart and never be quiet. I cant express that enough. Always stand up for yourself And don’t be silenced.
7.) Do you plan to continue having a relationship with your mom and (adoptive) father at this time?
I will no longer have a relationship with Tim. He is dead to me. However, my mother is a different story. I still currently have a relationship with her, but it’s extremely hard. I have a lot of anger and resentment towards her. I can’t figure out why she would stay with a man that sexually abused her daughter. I will probably never know the true answer. I am honestly only apart of her life now because I feel like I need to protect her from Tim. Since she decides to live in denial, she is not aware of all the creepy actions he does around others. When you live in misery you’re sometimes blinded by the truth. Even if she doesn’t have my back, I will always have hers. She is my mother and also a victim of abuse. However, its not going to stop me from telling the world what Tim has done to me. She has chosen to stay with him, and she will have to deal with those consequences.
8.) Have you taken any action on finding your real dad? If so, what actions have you taken?
I have not taken any action to find my real dad. It’s not that I don’t want to. I just don’t know how. He signed his rights away when I was a child so Tim could adopt me.
9) If you were to find your real dad, would you like to have a relationship with him? Would you only want to meet up with him or maybe email back and forth? What is your plan/goal if you find him?
If i found my real dad and he was a decent man, I would want a relationship with him. I don’t want anymore negative people in my life though. I would love to meet up with him to see where I came from. I have always been curious about my real father. Again, I just don’t know the actions I need to take to find him.
10.) Do you eventually want to have children yourself, and if so, do you think you’ll be a better mother than your mother was to you, or do you feel like having a child might be too much after dealing with these events?
Yes, I want children more than anything in this world. Mike and I are currently trying! I do not think this situation has made it more difficult for me to have children, its made me more aware. I never want my children to experience the heartbreak I have felt, and I am going to make sure they know they will always be loved. I will always support them and believe what they’re saying to me. I will never shut them out. They will always come first. Always. No matter what.
11) How do you feel/ what was your reaction when you told your mom about this and nothing was done because she didn’t believe you?
Again, I cannot even express the pain I felt when she didn’t believe me. My heart was broken into a million pieces. I don’t understand how a mother can turn away from her child. Even though she didn’t believe me, I eventually found people that do. NEVER STOP TRYING.
I want to thank Brittian for reaching out to me and allowing me to share her story, as this was her goal. She didn’t want to push it to the side anymore, acting like it never happened. I know talking about it, can be painful, but if Brittian’s story can help one person who has gone through this, then her goal has been met. I am privileged to call her a friend, and I hope this post can be positive for some people, who are trying to figure out a way to cope. Please reach out to me, if you would like to contact Brittian, if you’ve maybe gone through the same experience or have in the past. She is more than willing to talk to others’ personally, and help guide you in the healing process, or can just be someone there, to listen. As she stated,
“You are not alone”.
*Here are some statistics’ I found regarding this topic*
“95 percent of sexually abused children will be abused by someone they know and trust (NAPCAN 2009). 3. Of those molesting a child under six, 50 percent were family members. Family members also accounted for 23 percent of those abusing children 12 to 17 years (Snyder, 2000).Jan 25, 2017
1. Approximately 20 percent of girls (1 in 5) and 8 percent of boys (1 in 12.5) will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday (Pereda et al, 2009).
2. 95 percent of sexually abused children will be abused by someone they know and trust (NAPCAN 2009).
3. Of those molesting a child under six, 50 percent were family members. Family members also accounted for 23 percent of those abusing children 12 to 17 years (Snyder, 2000).
4. The most vulnerable age for children to be exposed to sexual assault is between 3 and 8 years with the majority of onset happening between these ages (Browne & Lynch, 1994).
5. Males made up 90 percent of adult child sexual assault perpetrators, while 3.9 percent of perpetrators were female, with a further 6 percent classified as ’unknown gender’ (McCloskey & Raphael, 2005).
6. As many of 40 percent of children who are sexually abused are abused by older, or more powerful children. (Finkelhor, 2012) Note: with the easy access to pornography we are seeing more and more cases of child on child sexual abuse, and older children/siblings sexually abusing younger children. Twenty-three percent of all 10 to 17 year olds experience exposure to unwanted pornography (Jones L., et al 2012).
7. Eighty-four percent of sexual victimization of children under 12 occurs in a residence (Snyder, 2000).
8. In 98 percent of child abuse cases reported to officials, children’s statements were found to be true (NSW Child Protection Council, cited in Dympna House 1998).
9. 1 in 3 adults would not believe a child if they disclosed sexual abuse (Australian Childhood Foundation, 2010).
10. Seventy-three percent of child victims do not tell anyone about the abuse for at least 1 year. Forty-five percent do not tell anyone for 5 years. Some never disclose (Broman-Fulks et al, 2007).
11. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse are 10 to 13 times more likely to attempt suicide. (Plunkett A, O’Toole B, Swanston H, Oates RK, Shrimpton S, Parkinson P 2001).